When I Awoke

When I awoke this morning the fog lay heavy on the ground. Looking out, I felt a non-specific dread, a foreboding with no shape but that was real and scary nonetheless. This a.m. dread is not new for me--something in the way I'm wired brings it on way too frequently. In response I've developed a technique for dealing with it, so I used my technique today. It's not original with me, but I'm always happy to adopt a behavior that just might help chase the devil away. 

The technique: I say to myself, "Today you have a choice. You can be fearful and negative about everything all day, or you can choose to think positive, keep yourself on an even keel, and make this next 24 hours a good--dare I say uplifting?--day. Which will it be?" This morning I answered "Positive, please." 

Then I remembered what had happened yesterday, election day in America. How to feel positive about that? First, strip away my emotional reaction and go to the heart of what actually happened. I settled on this: "One human being defeated another human being in the presidential election." Not "This guy's a monster, oh help oh help," and not "All is lost. Move to Canada." More like, "Well, the upcoming four years will be interesting. Second, "Go go for a run!"

I made it out the door pretty early; it was still dark. The fog hung around for the duration of my short outing, wrapping the world around me in a mystery which I could only partially solve by watching my step as I put one foot in front of the other.

When I got down to the end of the block, I heard a flock of unidentifiable birds swarming right above me in a tree. I think they were trying to raise the sun! There were other clues that the day might turn out okay. A basketball court waiting for young hoopsters to fill it with smack talk and laughter. A stream of headlights--commuters swooshing by on their way to work in Silicone Valley, where they'd make their daily contribution to the booming Bay Area economy before they swooshed by on their way home.

When I got back from my run, as I approached our apartment, I marveled at how foggy it still was even though the dark had faded to gray. Then I saw a slice of light piercing the haze from the living room window. Oh yes, there was light in my life to combat the dread; there would also be breakfast, and there would be the magic elixir called coffee. A bonus blessing: There would be the guy I call Sweetie sitting by the lamp and waiting to ask me about my run.