Account -- Ability, Day 15

I call this image "Circle Shadow." The blob in the lower left corner is the shadow of my running shoe, which I had set on the edge of the glass table outside, on the patio. I snapped this not because it looked like a deep and insightful metaphor--I snapped this merely because it caught my eye. I liked it; here it is.

For those of you who were paying attention for a brief period yesterday evening, you my have seen a "Day 15" in this space at that time. I can't guarantee you're not crazy, but at least you're not crazy if you think that this is not the "Day 15" you saw here.

That post was an attempt to humanize myself--to "out" my flawed self, if you will. (As if I don't do that every time I post.) I had found a book of poems I wrote when I was going through my divorce in the late 70's. It wasn't a good poem, actually, but it resonated with me because it took me right back to those days of visceral trauma.

I was getting into bed last night, when seemingly out of nowhere, it hit me that I didn't want to put that poem out in a public space. I didn't want anyone to confuse today's me with the young and hurting me of almost 40 years ago. Even when I just looked at the poem, I realized I started to feel bad. That led me to get it that I'm no longer that young person who had been thrown completely off the rails by a difficult life event. 

I still go through some down periods, but don't we all? My down periods make me anxious and sad. But I like to think I've gained some perspective over the years--maybe even some wisdom. For one thing, I no longer drink gin or any other alcohol.

The punch line here (the nonalcoholic punch, of course) just now came to me--I feel that I've grown a lot less volatile emotionally since--wait for it--I started running regularly after I moved to California. What a fortuitous insight to have at this moment, while I'm tap-tap-tapping away on my running blog. I can't count the times over the last few decades that I've felt bad and yelled at myself: "Go for a run!" The brain can benefit from the wisdom of the body.

Keep on moving, people.